My baby is not a baby anymore

In two days my baby is going to turn two and it makes me want to cry. He is so big and I just miss my little baby that I could hold on my chest and play with his little hands. He is so big that he is to the point where he doesn't want to be held anymore. He is a big boy now.
He already had his birthday party last weekend which was pretty good had a little drama but most of Josh's family was there and that was neat. He got a bunch of presents and was very spoiled. lol The babies kinda fought over the toys but that is to be expected lol since they are the same age. Things have been hard lately I have been having trouble finding a job so I was thinking about helping people out and baby sitting while they work might as well make some money and help people which affordable child care which helps me too.
We painted Logan's room this green color lol its so freaking green but it looks good with his animal themed room that he got for his birthday. I am so ready to move him into a twin bed because he is to small for his toddler bed that he falls out of and sleep on the floor. haha
I have had some drama I am tired of it I don't even talk to these people and still get sucked in their drama. I want to kick him and smack her. I mean if they were really happy with each other than why do they care what I think, or say and I have not said anything so I don't even understand how I got sucked in this. lol
I started my diet and I think its going to kill me. lol I don't like diets and everything but I need to lose some weight. So Lets hope that this works. I am going to go to a gym too so wooo to weight lose. lol
I am still wanting another baby and not having any luck its making me cranky. Alot of my friends are on clommid and my doctor has been talking about putting me on it but it makes people cranky and I don't want to be cranky and grumpy I can do that all my own I don't need medicine to help.
I am going to go do some laundry and finish cleaning house and stuff.

Call It Karma

She may think she loves you but she doesn’t know
Doesn’t realize the mistake she is making
Giving her heart to such masochistic jerk,
Tearing people down just to build yourself up

If I could give any warning it would be to run
Run as fast and far away as she can go
Before you get your hooks into her too.
You’ll ruin her just like you tried to ruin me.

Your love is like a roller coaster
Fun and exciting and always a thrill
But baby to many time and your past
The point you can handle and you’ve had enough.

Mock me if you like and make it all my fault
Time hasn’t changed and neither have you
Still a child playing the same stupid games
Just remember sweetheart karma will come your way.

I could sleep forever these days cause in my dreams I see you

You and Josh and logan can go to hell. Nice huh, thats what my aunt told me she is still mad about all this family fighting which is ridicoulus you know, it makes me crazy. Especially since they are fighting over who deserves my mimi's ashes. It makes me crazy, she isn't going to let my cousins talk to me or josh any more. Its all alittle annoying.
I miss my math class and history class and both teachers don't allow make ups so I am going to fail I am thinking about withdrawing and looking into an online school so i can do school while staying home with Logan it might be easier. I just dunno, I just can't handle not having a sitter last minute it will drive me crazy and it will make me and josh's mom fight some more.
Last night I was bored so i looked on my tv and they have an exercise on demand channel so i did this exercise show and my legs are killing me now!! lol it was crazy.
Me and Josh took Logan to get Amy's ice cream today and we went to this park near our house and my legs were still hurting when he was playing so I couldn't even chase him around. lol But I think it would be a good thing maybe it would help me loose weight has to be doing something write since I am hurting. lol
I have been missing Marie alot lately, movies and songs and stuff just seem to jolt my memory and makes me sad. The other day me and josh watched Lord of the rings and I was remembering watching it with her in High school and I got sad. It still happens after 4 years I wonder if this will be happening in 20 years. I wish it would get a little easier.

A falling star atleast I fall alone

I have wanted to keep a blog type thing for a while, I have not been having much luck writing in my actual journal and on myspace there are to many people and sometimes you don't want them to see what you are writing. Especially since I have been wanting another baby and all my friends think having another baby would be stupid for me and josh, but Logan is almost two and I would love for him to have a little sibling, perferably a girl but a boy would not be bad either. I just really want a daughter all the cute little clothes and shoes and hair ties. Boys are adorable but girls have more options. I have pcos so I might not be able to have a baby on my own and thats making me really sad. I just found out my best friend is having a boy I am so happy for her. I wish she lived here in Texas so I could see her and her little baby more. I miss her alot.
School is killing me, I am so ready for summer. I wish it would come faster. I was thinking about taking summer classes but I am not sure since I need the break but If I take summer classes I can get ahead with school and that would be amazing!! lol but I could use a break. Uggggg I am stuck on what to do.
My sleep schedule is all off too, its five am and I am awake and josh is going to be so mad that I never went to sleep. I need to get coffee or red bull or something. lol
We had a really good easter, we went to josh's grandma's and we ate and hunted easter eggs it was cool. Felt like an outcast but that isn't anything new. Here are some pictures of logan on easter.






He had so much fun playing with the confettie eggs.